By day, Laura Coleman-Day is a corporate solicitor. At home, she is a widowed mum to one lively little boy, with a love of acting, baking and a good series binge. Running, however, was never something she imagined would become such an important part of her life. Then she lost her beloved husband, Xander.
“He was the most incredible man I ever met, not to mention the most handsome!” she says. “Xander had such a big heart and was so clever. He would have helped anyone.”
Xander changed her life in ways she will always carry with her. He made her realise her worth and her strengths, and he gave her their son. When he passed away in February 2024, he left behind a family who had to learn how to live in a world that suddenly felt very different.
“Losing Xander has been the worst thing that has ever happened to me. The day he died, I lost a part of myself, a part that I will never get back. There is a constant void in our lives now.”
“Losing Xander has been the worst thing that has ever happened to me. The day he died, I lost a part of myself, a part that I will never get back. There is a constant void in our lives now.”
For a while, she found herself withdrawing from everyone around her, putting on a front on the outside while privately trying to navigate the unimaginable loss of her husband. Every day life continued, but she was going through the motions, unsure how to find her way back to it.
Running would eventually offer her something Laura desperately needed – a reason to get up, a place to put some of her grief and a way to do something meaningful in Xander’s memory.
It would also lead her to take on a challenge that even she admits was a terrible idea: 12 marathons in 12 months. By the time she finished, she had actually run 13.
The charity that gave them more time
Xander’s illness brought Anthony Nolan into their lives. Its stem cell register helped find his match. “Anthony Nolan gave us precious time with Xander that we may not have had otherwise, I can never thank them enough for that!”
She wanted to find a way to show her gratitude, but because she was too old to join the stem cell register herself, she decided to apply to run the London Marathon for the charity in 2023. She thought she would never get a place but, she did.
The marathon was a personal achievement and it also gave her a way to support an organisation that had made such a difference to Xander’s life. And when she was offered another place in 2024, she began wondering how she could turn the opportunity into something bigger.
“I said to Xander that I didn’t think anyone would sponsor me to just run the London Marathon again, so I wanted to go bigger… how about 12 marathons in 12 months?” Xander’s response was characteristically understated. “He just looked at me, shook his head and said ‘okay then’.”
It was a conversation that would stay with Laura, particularly after his death.
Anthony Nolan does much more than help people find stem cell matches. The charity also funds life-saving research, including work into graft versus host disease – the complication that ultimately killed Xander.
For her, continuing to raise money became about more than gratitude. It was about trying to help prevent another family from facing the same loss. “I want to do my best to help them pay for that research to try and prevent anyone else dying like he did.”
Also read: From Stage IV Cancer to Cycling Across the World: Luke Grenfell-Shaw’s Journey to Living in the Now
The challenge she nearly gave up
When Xander died in February 2024, the marathon challenge suddenly felt impossible. She had planned to run the London Marathon again, but grief had taken away any desire to do it. She thought about scrapping the whole thing.
Then she went to support her brother-in-law, who had secured a place to run for Anthony Nolan. Watching him take on the challenge brought back something she hadn’t expected – a feeling that perhaps she could still do this after all. “I got FOMO and decided there and then that I wasn’t going to give up and I’d just start the challenge a little bit late.”
So, in May 2024, she ran her first of 12 marathons. In the end, she completed 13.
There was no perfect training plan behind the challenge, and Laura is very clear that she does not recommend trying it. She hadn’t had the usual 16 weeks of preparation before the first marathon, so she ran whenever she could, often on a treadmill after putting her son to bed.
Once the challenge began, each marathon became something of a long run for the next one. Some races were only two or three weeks apart, leaving little time to recover before she had to do it all again. “I don’t think you really can! I do want to say that this is a terrible idea and I don’t advocate for people to do it.”
Her aim was simply to get around each course, rather than chase a fast time. The races were never going to be about personal bests or perfect running form. They were about making it to the finish line, one marathon at a time. “My plan with all my marathons was just to make it round so none of them were fast and none of them were pretty, but I did them all!”
The strength she found in the people she loved
Running 13 marathons took its toll, and she had physio massages every few races to help her recover. Her son also played his part, getting her to “exercise” with him, which generally meant a vigorous stretching session.
Finding time for strength training was one of her biggest physical challenges, and it is something she wishes she had prioritised more during her preparation.
But the hardest moments were often mental rather than physical. When the miles became difficult and she felt she had nothing left, she would think about what Xander had endured through chemotherapy, radiotherapy and a transplant.
“If Xander can deal with chemotherapy, radiotherapy and a transplant I could run 26.2 miles.” That thought helped her through some of the lowest points, but so did the people waiting for her at the finish line.
“If Xander can deal with chemotherapy, radiotherapy and a transplant I could run 26.2 miles.” That thought helped her through some of the lowest points, but so did the people waiting for her at the finish line.
One marathon involved eight loops of the same course. By the end of the seventh lap, she had nothing left in the tank. Her parents were there with her son, cheering her on, and her dad knew that quitting would be something she would regret later. “He prodded the last lap with me because he knew I’d never forgive myself if I quit!”
It was a small act of support, but one that captured so much of what had carried her through the challenge. She wasn’t doing it alone. Her family, her memories of Xander and the people who loved her were all part of the reason she kept going. “I guess the people I love got me through.”
A wedding dress, a wedding anniversary and Xander’s love
Of all the marathons, one held a particularly special place in Laura’s heart.
She ran the London Marathon in her wedding dress, on her wedding anniversary. The significance of the day was never far from her mind, but rather than feeling overwhelmed by the sadness of what she had lost, she found herself enjoying those final miles. “Honestly, I just enjoyed every second of those last few miles.”
On their wedding day, Xander had told her that she had never looked more beautiful. As she ran in the dress they had once celebrated their marriage in, she felt close to him in a way that was difficult to put into words. “I felt close to him as I ran (well plodded) those miles, I felt his strength and love and knew he was proud of me.”
It was a moment that brought together the love they had shared, the grief she was carrying and the life she was continuing to build for their son. Running could never bring Xander back, but it gave her a way to feel connected to him while doing something that mattered.
What 13 marathons taught her about herself
She has never considered herself a natural runner, and completing the challenge hasn’t changed that. What it has changed is the way she sees her own strength. “I am as stubborn as Xander thought I was!”
The humour is very much part of her personality, but beneath it is a real sense of achievement. She discovered that she could do things she had never thought possible, even while navigating the most painful period of her life. “I am not a natural runner, but most of all that I am strong, I am brave and I am a role model for my son.”
That last part is especially important to her. Her son is growing up without his dad, and she wants to show him that even when life takes an unimaginable turn, it is still possible to find reasons to keep moving forward.
The marathons gave her something to work towards, but they also helped her through the first year without Xander. “I can’t even begin to explain how this helped me through the first year without my person. It gave me a purpose outside of everyday life, pushed me to do something not just sit and wallow.”
The marathons gave her something to work towards, but they also helped her through the first year without Xander. “I can’t even begin to explain how this helped me through the first year without my person. It gave me a purpose outside of everyday life, pushed me to do something not just sit and wallow.”
She doesn’t suggest that running is a solution to grief, or that there are easy answers for someone facing the worst time of their life. She knows from experience that some losses cannot be made smaller by a few encouraging words.
What she does believe is that finding something that gives you purpose can help you begin to find your way through. “I have no magic words for someone who is facing the worst time of their lives. However, what I will say is that you are loved and you are needed so find something that gives you purpose again.”
For her, exercise offered a way to release some of the stress and create a little breathing space. It also gave her a reason to leave the house, get moving and feel that she was doing something for herself and her son.
A different kind of finish line
For now, she is taking a break from fundraising after an injury brought an attempted seven marathons in seven days challenge to an early end. There is a half marathon planned for October with her mum and dad, but she is happy to keep the distances shorter. “I think I’m over running marathons for now, but never say never.”
Laura would like to continue supporting Anthony Nolan, although she knows there are other ways to raise money than running 26.2 miles at a time.
After everything she has been through, it is understandable that she might want to take a breath. The challenge gave her purpose when she needed it most, but she doesn’t have to keep pushing herself to prove what she is capable of.
Xander’s death changed her life in a way she could never have prepared for. Running helped her find a way through the first year without him, gave her a reason to keep moving and created memories she will carry with her for the rest of her life. And while she may not be lining up for another marathon just yet, the strength she found along the way is something that will stay with her.
Xander’s death changed her life in a way she could never have prepared for. Running helped her find a way through the first year without him, gave her a reason to keep moving and created memories she will carry with her for the rest of her life.
She is still a mum, still a solicitor, still someone who loves acting, baking and a good series binge. She is also a woman who discovered that even in the darkest chapter of her life, she could find a reason to keep going.
The pain of losing Xander hasn’t gone away, and running could never change that, but it gave her something to hold on to when she needed it most. It helped her get through a year she never imagined she would have to face and gave her a way to honour the man she loved while continuing to build a life for herself and her son.
She doesn’t know what the next chapter will look like, or whether there will be another marathon in it. For now, she’s happy to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Register as a potential blood stem cell donor by visiting DKMS UK. Connect with Laura on Instagram.
